trusting in him

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Vehicles rushing down the highway can be heard through the tightly shut windows. Papers and pencils scatter my workspace as I try to find my thoughts; attempt to write them down. These past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions, and quite frankly it's a bit hard to sort them all out.
I've been doing everything like normal. Writing and blogging, and somehow managing -- by a rare miracle -- to complete my entire list of school this week (new year's goals work like magic). Activity around her has be relatively normal, yet it feels so very different.

When mom walked in through the door on friday and explained to me what was going on, I honestly didn't know what to think. Grandpa was in the hospital. She didn't know much but that he was having trouble breathing and that he would soon be taken to the university hospital. Explaining how I was feeling at that moment is pretty near impossible. I didn't want to think about it, honestly. The one thing kept me calm, though, -- something I often remind myself of in times of anticipation: Whatever happens, God has a plan. So I tried to keep my mind off the subject.

I had a friend over, went to a party, wrote, and did schoolwork. Things didn't seem different. But mom was away. Mom is always home. When I go downstairs, she's there. She comes up to see how I'm doing on schoolwork. She's getting meals ready. But since Friday, she's been up at the hospital. It doesn't feel right at home without mom.

And then sunday came. Both aunts were already at the hospital, with mom, dad, grandma, and the Uncle. Climbing into the car, we drove along the paved highways to meet them there. Walking through the parking ramp and riding in the elevators, soon entering the hospital was a queer feeling. Being in that building with everyone else who had loved ones injured or ill was incredibly surreal. I had never experienced something like that before.

dad. watching harry potter in the waiting room. eating a bagel. 
It was odd, being in the hospital. It was like anticipation so strong, it wasn't even able to be felt. Grandpa was scheduled for bypass surgery that morning. By the time we arrived there, the surgery was already underway. The teen (teen meaning my brother, older sister, another boy, and I) bible class teacher brought bagels for the family, and visitors fluctuated in and out of the waiting room. I sat in the corner, writing, reading, using my mother's iphone -- just trying to occupy myself.

The surgery went fine -- better than the surgeons had expected. And although recovery and healing is still going slow for Grandpa and things are still at risk, there is hope. Through this time, I have learned a few things, but the most important is a bit about trust. I've always been assured in the fact that God has his hand in everything. Yet nothing has happen since this realization that has caused me to really need to lean on Jesus. But now, that's the only thing I can do. So through this time, I've just got to keep trusting him.



  1. so glad your Grandpa is doing better. i will be praying for you and your family.
    also, your photos make me happy. they're just so beautiful.
    also, the photo of your dad watching harry potter/eating a bagel kind of made my day. seriously. :))
    -jocee <3

  2. I've definitely been praying for you guys, and your grandpa <3

  3. I've been praying for y'all. {I read Marissa's post} Glad he is better!

    We are going through a really tough time with
    mama's dad, so I sympathize...

    Beautiful pictures!


  4. I'm glad you're grandfather is doing better! I'll be praying for your family! And thank you for sharing your heart with us. It makes a blog something special!

  5. oh, good. I'm glad the surgery went well. beautiful shots, especially the ones of your dog♥


  6. Praise God the surgery went well. I'll most certainly be praying for you and your family! I definitely understand what it feels like to be in that waiting room, knowing hardly anything but trusting that God does. My uncle, my grandma, my grandpa, my other grandpa, my dad... so many others. But God had his hand in each situation and whether He chose to take them home or keep them here with us, His plan was/is truly beautiful.
    Your pictures are gorgeous, I especially love the ones of the trees, btw. =)

  7. I'm so glad the surgery went well and I'll keep praying for your family. Miss you! :)

  8. Oh, I was so relieved to read that he is doing better and in recovery! I can't imagine how hard it must have been to have to wait.

    Being able to turn to Him during those hard times is so wonderful.

  9. I'm so sorry this had to happen. It's always scary when something like that happens. But I'm glad your Grandpa is going better and I'll be praying for you and your family!


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