I've been doing everything like normal. Writing and blogging, and somehow managing -- by a rare miracle -- to complete my entire list of school this week (new year's goals work like magic). Activity around her has be relatively normal, yet it feels so very different.
When mom walked in through the door on friday and explained to me what was going on, I honestly didn't know what to think. Grandpa was in the hospital. She didn't know much but that he was having trouble breathing and that he would soon be taken to the university hospital. Explaining how I was feeling at that moment is pretty near impossible. I didn't want to think about it, honestly. The one thing kept me calm, though, -- something I often remind myself of in times of anticipation: Whatever happens, God has a plan. So I tried to keep my mind off the subject.
I had a friend over, went to a party, wrote, and did schoolwork. Things didn't seem different. But mom was away. Mom is always home. When I go downstairs, she's there. She comes up to see how I'm doing on schoolwork. She's getting meals ready. But since Friday, she's been up at the hospital. It doesn't feel right at home without mom.
And then sunday came. Both aunts were already at the hospital, with mom, dad, grandma, and the Uncle. Climbing into the car, we drove along the paved highways to meet them there. Walking through the parking ramp and riding in the elevators, soon entering the hospital was a queer feeling. Being in that building with everyone else who had loved ones injured or ill was incredibly surreal. I had never experienced something like that before.
|dad. watching harry potter in the waiting room. eating a bagel.|
The surgery went fine -- better than the surgeons had expected. And although recovery and healing is still going slow for Grandpa and things are still at risk, there is hope. Through this time, I have learned a few things, but the most important is a bit about trust. I've always been assured in the fact that God has his hand in everything. Yet nothing has happen since this realization that has caused me to really need to lean on Jesus. But now, that's the only thing I can do. So through this time, I've just got to keep trusting him.