You may have noticed a bit of a theme in my last three posts. Each one was ended with 'so here's to...' and each one was about things that I so desperately wanted to do again. I could have added many more to the list, which, truthfully, is awful. The entire route that my life had gone down needed fixing, and extreme at that. A break to sort things out was simply all I needed.
Now, I love this blog, don't get me wrong. It's a simply lovely place to talk to you all and express my feelings. But sometimes good things can go too far. In this instance, it had. It's a bit hard to go back to a week ago; this past one has been so busy. But if I think hard enough, I remember hours of my time spent reading blogs, trying to make my blog better, scrolling through pinterest, and being bored facebook and twitter. I honestly don't know why I always went to the internet to have something to do; I had so much more that I wanted.
To better explain myself, here is a snippet of my journal; my reflections after this evaluation.
Evaluation week. I wanted this week so badly, yet I didn't want it at all...Everything I love, care, and thrive upon was slipping so quickly from my innocent grasp. And I had no idea how to fix it...I think evaluations are always hard, but this one especially...My life had always been one of deep imagination, of words, of stories, of beauty. All of which have faded over the past few months. But I need them...Returning [to life as of the past few months] is not, and will never be, an option.I now can see quite clearly that time is of more value that it ever has seemed to be to me. How I spend it is a choice of my own, and I haven't been doing a very good job of choosing what is right. Finding comfort in something so worthless is a waste of everything I work on outside of it.
You have nothing to fear, though. I'll still be posting just as much as I ever have, and reading the lovely blogs which I follow. The fact of the matter is, that's all I'll be doing. Occasional glimpses into facebook, twitter, and pinterest will be taken, although all my time will not be spent there. Constant email checks will not be priority. Sitting around waiting for a new post will not be happening. But there are things that will; writing, reading, journaling, waking early, and so much more will become my daily. Or as I said it in my journal "This neglected relationship with the Lord will become the center of me, with all that I care about, around it."