I was so concerned about what I was doing wrong

Monday, May 2, 2011

What if my followers don't like this? What if this isn't interesting? What if I'm not good enough? Why do I only have 164 followers when other people have 500+? Why can't I have a fancy camera like everyone else? Why can't I have cooler clothes and be an amazing fashion blogger? Why can't I have an amazing design? Why don't I get twenty-million comments on my posts? Why can't I be as beautiful as everyone else? Why  Why, Why? 
     I was so concerned about what I was doing wrong. About why I wasn't an amazing popular blogger. About why no one talked about me. About why my button wasn't on everyone's favorites page. I had so many questions. What was I doing wrong? Why this, why that. I didn't realize that the answer was screaming at my face.

Me. is all I have to be.

     It's so hard to be yourself. Honestly, it's practically impossible. It's like starting out standing in a deep, dark forest. The trees surround you, creating a barrier. The whole of you is waiting just beyond the forest. You embark on the journey to find yourself on the other side. It starts off an easy road. The trees are thin and sunlight pours in through the branches. But then, the trees thicken. It begins to get darker, and darker until you can barely see your own fingertips when they are right under your nose. Thorns snag your clothes and branches grab at your hair. All you want to do is turn back. The middle of the forest was frightening, but it was worse than the in between. It was worse than this. 
     You turn around and run back to the clearing. It's hard at first to get used to being like everyone else, but eventually you are noticed by a few and you begin to feel alright. You stay this way for a while, until you can't stand it. You begin to seek yourself again, only to realize that you're gone. It's harder the second time because you know what's coming. You know what's out there, and you don't want to face it. You decide to stay in the clearing. You don't want to not fit in. You don't want to be the weird one.
     A lot of people only get that far. They never finish the journey to find themselves. They are too afraid of what will happen at the end. What if no one likes them? What if it's no better then the clearing? What if it's worse? The horrible truth is: You'll never know until you reach it.

"You were born an original. Don't die a copy." -John Mason 

     Life is a hard struggle between fitting in, being weird, and being yourself. The best part is: God will always be there with you, if you let him tag along. And the only way to reach the outside of the forest is to let him lead you. You can get pretty far by yourself, sure. But without God, you will never get anywhere worthwhile.

In God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me? -Psalm 56:11

     I have to remind myself constantly that God is always with me. He'll never let me down, he'll never forget me or get tired of me. Even more that that, I have to remind myself that I am who I am, nothing can change me. I was born to live for God, and if I'm letting the fact that my camera isn't as fancy as some people's or that my clothes aren't as fashionable or that I'm not as popular around the blogging world as other people, get it the way of living for him, I know that there is a serious problem in my way of living. Something that needs to be addressed before I take another step.
     There's just one question that must be answered by all: Will you make the journey, or choose to stay and fit in? I've gone so long wandering in that clearing, trying to decide if I'm strong enough to make the trip. If I'm strong enough to find myself. Today, I put my trust in the Lord, my foot is stepping outside of the clearing. Yes, I'll get scratched and hurt. I'll fall and I'll cry. But as long as I seek the Lord, I know that I can always find healing.

     Are you with me?
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21 comments:

  1. Ahh, yes, it does sound very familiar. I just had a melt-down the other day, sorta about the same subject.

    It's so hard when we want to be something we aren't, and we create something that shatters in our hands.

    I enjoy your blog because you are yourself.

    Obejction. Your blog design is amazing. Hands down. I saw the new design and thought - those colors are awesome.

    *hugs*

    Bethany

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  2. Wow.

    BEAUTIFUL post Megan!! I love it sooo much.

    I used to have those problems... I guess I still do now. I'm ugly, I'm weird, I'm random, but I'm me. And that's ALL that I have to be. =) Because God doesn't care if I have a popular blog, or if I have pimples or if my nose is like really funky. He doesn't look at that part of me... He looks at the inside. And if the Creator of the universe only looks on the inside, I kinda wanna make sure that part of me looks good! =)

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  3. This is an amazing post Meggy!!!! You are an awesome blogger and photgrapher and everything!! That was an awesome reminder because so many times I start comparing myself to others but I really need to be myself. I love you!

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  4. That's such a beautiful post!! I've been meaning to do one like this for awhile.
    It rings true in every sense of the phrase "be yourself". Oy, is it hard. But hey, that's who I'm going to be :))
    -Jocee <3
    P.S. LOVE the new blog design!

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  5. Awesome post Meghan! And I totally feel the same way sometimes, but then I realize that I shouldn't blog for numbers, I should blog for the enjoyment of it.

    Great post :)

    -hannah

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  6. Wow! This was beautiful! The part where you talked about your blog title really hit me! The reason we blog, usually, is to have a little journal of our lives or tell about the things we like to do. Why should we want to change that or be something different? This was an awesome post Megan!! Keep being the blogger YOU want to be! :)

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  7. Thank you so very much! I was dealing with these same things... I'm somewhat new to blogging, and I've not had many visitors etc... I was beginning to think I wasn't very good. Your post really helped! I choose the Journey!

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  8. Thank you for this post. I was just feeling a little down about my blog because I lost a follower. I can't stop thinking- why did they stop following? Was it something I did? Was it something I didn't do? It just put me in a down mood... so thank you for this. Thank you for reminding us all that blogging is not about the numbers, it's about being ourselves and blogging what we want to. We all need to hear it sometimes. :)

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  9. Are you cloning me?! I lost a follower...nobody has my button on their blogs...*sigh* I've been around for almost a year and a half, to boot! You've got more followers than I do!

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  10. a-mazing. thanks for writing this, megan!!

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  11. Great post! Thanks for sharing, Megan. I totally know what you mean!

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  12. I LOVE this post. I never really thought about all that stuff before, but now after reading this, I do see it. I see myself standing there, not even realizing that there is a journey ahead of me to find myself because I've gotten so trapped in everyone and everything else. Hmmm...coule be a little soul searching ahead for me.

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  13. Amazing post Megan! Loved every bit of it! :) Great analogy with the clearing! So true! I have seen a lot of posts like this, but you're the first to create a button and have people actually join you! Cool idea! Count me in on the journey! :)

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  14. Oh, thank you so very much for that post!
    I have been feeling exactly that way!
    Thank you, thank you, thank!!!

    ~Abi

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  15. Your blog is really good! I have 2 followers :) You made me realize its ok not to be popular or the best. Your post was good. Keep blogging!

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  16. I just wrote a very similar post on my blog! How weird! Anyway, I totally agree! I'm always feelng like I'm not good enough, but I'm learning to just become ME! (That's all I have to be, right?)

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  17. Beautiful post! Thank you!

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  18. Awesome post! I know I definitely struggle with this all the time. I almost deleted my blog a few months ago because of this! thanks so much for the encouragement! :)
    ♥ Alli

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  19. WONDERFUL post! I just found your blog with a link to this page and I love your blog!

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  20. Oh dear, 164 followers? Now you have even more, and I only have 27! :D
    I'm glad for you that you saw through it...

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  21. this is so beautiful, i really needed this megan. thank you(:
    <3katie

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