What if my followers don't like this? What if this isn't interesting? What if I'm not good enough? Why do I only have 164 followers when other people have 500+? Why can't I have a fancy camera like everyone else? Why can't I have cooler clothes and be an amazing fashion blogger? Why can't I have an amazing design? Why don't I get twenty-million comments on my posts? Why can't I be as beautiful as everyone else? Why Why, Why?
I was so concerned about what I was doing wrong. About why I wasn't an amazing popular blogger. About why no one talked about me. About why my button wasn't on everyone's favorites page. I had so many questions. What was I doing wrong? Why this, why that. I didn't realize that the answer was screaming at my face.
Me. is all I have to be.
It's so hard to be yourself. Honestly, it's practically impossible. It's like starting out standing in a deep, dark forest. The trees surround you, creating a barrier. The whole of you is waiting just beyond the forest. You embark on the journey to find yourself on the other side. It starts off an easy road. The trees are thin and sunlight pours in through the branches. But then, the trees thicken. It begins to get darker, and darker until you can barely see your own fingertips when they are right under your nose. Thorns snag your clothes and branches grab at your hair. All you want to do is turn back. The middle of the forest was frightening, but it was worse than the in between. It was worse than this.
You turn around and run back to the clearing. It's hard at first to get used to being like everyone else, but eventually you are noticed by a few and you begin to feel alright. You stay this way for a while, until you can't stand it. You begin to seek yourself again, only to realize that you're gone. It's harder the second time because you know what's coming. You know what's out there, and you don't want to face it. You decide to stay in the clearing. You don't want to not fit in. You don't want to be the weird one.
A lot of people only get that far. They never finish the journey to find themselves. They are too afraid of what will happen at the end. What if no one likes them? What if it's no better then the clearing? What if it's worse? The horrible truth is: You'll never know until you reach it.
"You were born an original. Don't die a copy." -John Mason
Life is a hard struggle between fitting in, being weird, and being yourself. The best part is: God will always be there with you, if you let him tag along. And the only way to reach the outside of the forest is to let him lead you. You can get pretty far by yourself, sure. But without God, you will never get anywhere worthwhile.
In God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me? -Psalm 56:11
I have to remind myself constantly that God is always with me. He'll never let me down, he'll never forget me or get tired of me. Even more that that, I have to remind myself that I am who I am, nothing can change me. I was born to live for God, and if I'm letting the fact that my camera isn't as fancy as some people's or that my clothes aren't as fashionable or that I'm not as popular around the blogging world as other people, get it the way of living for him, I know that there is a serious problem in my way of living. Something that needs to be addressed before I take another step.
There's just one question that must be answered by all: Will you make the journey, or choose to stay and fit in? I've gone so long wandering in that clearing, trying to decide if I'm strong enough to make the trip. If I'm strong enough to find myself. Today, I put my trust in the Lord, my foot is stepping outside of the clearing. Yes, I'll get scratched and hurt. I'll fall and I'll cry. But as long as I seek the Lord, I know that I can always find healing.
Are you with me?